Noise-cancelling headphones will not cut it.

I had earplugs wedged in deep PLUS the headphones.

And still, I could hear the guy word for word.

Along with every soul in the fuselage.

It was like Glengarry Glen Ross, but worse.

Even the church lady in 43C was thinking,

“Sir. Please.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Please. Thank you.”

Maybe he bumped his head as a kid

on the day the teacher explained Inside Voices.

It’s possible.

Or maybe his ears were always infected

so he couldn’t hear his mom rant about

not airing out dirty laundry in front of strangers.

The poor guy probably didn’t even have a mom.

And now he’s hard of hearing from so many infections.

Now I’m feeling sorry for the guy.

Somewhere around cruising altitude, I decide

it’s because he’s a couple thousand hugs short.

I bet 25 hugs a day for a year would do the trick.

Lots of hugs.

And maybe a really hard punch to the face.

But just one. Then tons and tons of hugs.